Reviving the past

As most know, it's not been easy for me. And it's about to get harder. For my next doc, I choose to turn the camera on myself and reopen old wounds. Why? I feel that I have yet to conquer old demons. I thought I had delt with them but I have found the past still haunts me and it's hard to admit that the past still has me by the throat.

I have to revisit the time I put a knife to my arm and drew the blade across my skin to release the pain. I have to rehash old horrors about being teased and humiliated when I has to read something infront of the class and I was so nervous, my left leg shook uncontrollably. I now know it was due to the CP that my leg moved the way it did. I have to revisit nick-names like "the Claw" and "No Brows." I have to remember the depression, the low self esteem, the lack of relationship with my mother and ultimately, my father.

I need to and want sto do this, it is important for me and once I see it, I can move on but until I see it infront of me, I will always remember those times and how they shaped my life and made me who I am.