What to do, what to write about. I can't believe I got F-ing food poisoning from the caff food! All I did today was catch up on blogs and sleep. Oh and email too. NO MORE MAYO from the caff!!! Which sucks because I love that fattening, disgusting, unhealthy spread.
That's alright though as I am getting better and I got some work done - in between naps. Feel soooo icky. I need soup but we have none. I WANT SOUP!!!! Oh well, tea will work. This is my sick rant and now it's over.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The show must go on
I am getting more and more excited about the doc. I was working on the music I am going to use last night and it is going to be awesome! I've story boarded the opening and other parts of the piece and will start shooting it by weeks end. I have to admit, I think I am more excited by the music then anything else as it's my own music I had written a few years ago. The lyrics will be in there, whether I will sing them has yet to be decided. It is only half a song as i never did complete it - my piano skills are not the greatest, hell, they hardly exisit but I can chord.
I also have to get on the SABIAN website and check out the latest creation.....as a possible MM project. So much work, so little time. Gotta go!
I also have to get on the SABIAN website and check out the latest creation.....as a possible MM project. So much work, so little time. Gotta go!
Loneliness, thy name is Julia
I don't know what's wrong with me these days. The last few months I have been extremely lonely and have regressed back to my old ways of being anti-social. I would rather read a book or sleep than be around people and I just feel like I don't really belong here anymore. I don't like going to bars or the pub and I feel really insecure about myself a lot when people are around.
I am starting to disconnect from everything here and even disconnecting from things at home. My head space is not where it was a year ago and I am not happy. There's no one I can really talk to, not here, not at home. I wear a mask to survive as I always have, though those closest to me don't even know it and if they do, they don't ask.
Being the daughter of an artist, I know what it is to be different. Add in a disability and a shy nature and you've got the makings of the perfect introvert. I spend so much time on my own, I think a lot, too much and that needs to be addressed. One day perhaps. What I need most in the world is to be back among the wild rice, the call of the loon, the glorious sunsets that light up the sky with every sherbet colour you can imagine and the lights, those lights which dance in green and purple dresses in the heavens, those dresses which get more and more beautiful the further north you go. That is where my spirit can take flight and that is where it can soar.
I am starting to disconnect from everything here and even disconnecting from things at home. My head space is not where it was a year ago and I am not happy. There's no one I can really talk to, not here, not at home. I wear a mask to survive as I always have, though those closest to me don't even know it and if they do, they don't ask.
Being the daughter of an artist, I know what it is to be different. Add in a disability and a shy nature and you've got the makings of the perfect introvert. I spend so much time on my own, I think a lot, too much and that needs to be addressed. One day perhaps. What I need most in the world is to be back among the wild rice, the call of the loon, the glorious sunsets that light up the sky with every sherbet colour you can imagine and the lights, those lights which dance in green and purple dresses in the heavens, those dresses which get more and more beautiful the further north you go. That is where my spirit can take flight and that is where it can soar.
Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.
It seems like every day something else happens and it can get rather irritating. For instance, I am doing my next doc on what it's like living with CP and how I'm coping with it. I started this endeavour a while ago and what was supposed to be a story on myself and going through a living hell when I was younger had to change due to a few non-cooperative people....my mother. She was fine with it at first and said "yes" quite easily but then decided no, she didn't want to do it anymore because she was worried about me painting her as "the villain" I couldn't believe it!
I was fighting with her over the phone AND at the bar at the Toronto airport waiting for Steve to arrive over this! How ridiculous is that? I thought, and most thought that being a parent, she would help me, her daughter, no matter how she felt. However, my mother being my mother, saw it just as a "school project" and nothing more. She didn't see how important it was for me to talk through this and put it together as a visual piece so I can deal with it and move on.
I have spent YEARS trying to put the past where it belongs but every once in a while it pops up and bites me hard and I crumble all over again.
So, after getting over that hurddle, Steve and I worked on it during our visit and I now have a clearer focus and I can see it in my head how it will turn out. Everything works out in the end I guess and if it doesn't than it's not the end.
I was fighting with her over the phone AND at the bar at the Toronto airport waiting for Steve to arrive over this! How ridiculous is that? I thought, and most thought that being a parent, she would help me, her daughter, no matter how she felt. However, my mother being my mother, saw it just as a "school project" and nothing more. She didn't see how important it was for me to talk through this and put it together as a visual piece so I can deal with it and move on.
I have spent YEARS trying to put the past where it belongs but every once in a while it pops up and bites me hard and I crumble all over again.
So, after getting over that hurddle, Steve and I worked on it during our visit and I now have a clearer focus and I can see it in my head how it will turn out. Everything works out in the end I guess and if it doesn't than it's not the end.
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