Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Dumping my life

As most know I'm doing my last doc on myself: What it's like to live with CP. I've had a few people help me with the shooting namely Ryan - yes you get a mention...and we shot footage last night. When I came back to the school to work and dump the footage into FCE, I noticed something strange: me. 

I don't see myself from the POV of an observer so as I was watching what had been caught on video, I cringed. Not because of the fact that being on camera worries me - I could care less. It was really hard to look at myself as others see me: a cripple. My gait was strange, the way my left hand was stiff and contorted into an odd shape as I was working and for the first time in a long time I was upset about what I look like on the outside. I saw myself as a freakish, disgusting being, one not worthy of affection or care. 

So this is what I signed up for, well here goes....   
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1 comment:

  1. Theresa BlackburnApril 6, 2009 at 4:42 AM

    I don't see this....not at all....

    What I see is a beautiful and determined young woman.....

    You're thinking on shallow terms....and so few of us are shallow....

    The things you mention may get a momentary register on the brain when we first meet you, but all of that is forgotten once you open you mouth and speak.

    YOU are what's INSIDE that body....

    :)

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